🔗 Share this article

The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: an opening. I know not all people enjoys being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought recording a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend film you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their bond?